insomnia

another night of
no rest
since your final leaving.
falling asleep is impossible
till after the witching hours
then
I'm awake
in the dark dark
conflicted about sunrise

I dreamed of you last night
at the door
you came in
we talked
deep relaxation in my body
lightness returned in my breath
at some point
you closed the distance
and our bodies were touching
everything was OK again
home was right there

I noticed in my dream
that I was dreaming this
in the bed we used to share
I was finally asleep
resting easy again, Love.

I turned from thinking about myself dreaming-
to enjoy your company
just for a little bit
just visiting
we laughed at something
together
I felt at peace
after so long
my body soft against the mattress
the covers holding me
gentleness spreading over me
like a blanket

the sight of your hands
just there
so familiar
so tender
so beautiful
I was in awe
of their grace

waking up
was saying goodbye again
but my body
had taken courage
so I stayed still a bit longer
eyes open
feeling us
giving thanks
resting a bit

morning came
checking my phone
no reply yet from you
reality off balance
under the weight of
your absence
all my breath
tied into knots
below the lungs
body yearning
to ground