We vacillated all week about going. We worried about money, transportation, packing, the heat and what we would eat. We agonised about dealing with a large crowd of strangers and whether we would have a good enough time to offset the huge amount of resources it was going to consume.
We stressed about being able to get hold of psychedelics, or at the very least keep our beer cold.
Our fears manifested themselves in ridiculous conversations in which we tried to either make our point pointedly or acquiesce as quickly as possible to avoid disagreeing. We argued. I raised my voice in an insane moment of trying to feel heard: like talking loudly to a blind person. Richard got quiet.
We almost derailed our adventure repeatedly. Suddenly we admitted to each other that we wanted to go. Really, really, really wanted to go. With each other. We admitted it over skype so we could defend our vulnerability more easily if we needed to. We didn't.
We agreed that come hell or heatwave: we would be at afrikaburns on thursday, and we would stay till monday. We agreed that it was possible to plan, execute and enjoy a party in a desert without it ending our relationship.
We agreed that though the information on the website was sketchy and downright unhelpful, there was something to this thing...it seemed compelling....
We had yet to meet anyone who seemed to regret going, but we were meeting plenty who wished they could.
We agreed that it seemed in our best interests to get over these petty charicateurs of our best selves, get in the friggin car, and drive into the karoo....
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