List 1 Things I Was Left With

A holy trinity of self- doubt, humility and survival instinct
a preoccupation with my inner child
a flock of insomnias
an intractable blood stain on our yellow sheet
new, bone- deep boundaries on being touched
strange soot marks on the carpet in your study
unexpected letters carrying your name, occupying the otherwise empty postbox
solitary pyjama pants- no longer an in- joke
the strange comfort of having given more orgasms than I got
new blog posts
a new relationship with grief
the armour of loving detachment
a bottle of hot sauce
coffee stains on the cupboard doors
a lot of cupboard space
a three-sixty view of my own narrow opinions
patches of city to avoid
another tedious survival story