onward

I will fix my course
only toward love- truth- not
a destination.

Inner guides suggest
I quieten down, real still,
to hear love's rhythms.

That I wake when the
owl hoots and the moonlight a
visible compass.

diversion

Long, long days.
Dark, dark nights,

as you torch our home
and ask me to stand here burning.

I feel only love.
I offer only my tears.

You were clearing the ground,
all along,
of us,
for another.

I gave you the tinder, and fuel.
But I was asleep and blamed you for the cold and suddenly it was on fire.

reckoning

I would have said
your backbone was made entirely of truth,
your heart, integrity.

I would have staked my life on it,
a self-evident fact of your life.

I would have leant into it's safety,
as you asked me to trust you, anyway.

I would have been wrong.
And I would have been right.

dual pain

holding both truths open
trusting after untruth's lies
moon in water's arms.

in the end, its simply about cheating

what is true
what is good
what is real

I try to hold on to

but
secrets
betrayal
self will

are in the field
landmines

now we are all casualties
surviving this
human disaster

searching

I dont think I can be with someone

who,
when their partner collapses
into a dark crisis,
turns away
breaks trust
can't be steadfast.

who,
when the loving gaze slips
into self doubt
illness
pain
can't stand not to see themselves and finds
the closest mirror.

who
loves partially, preferentially, palely.
who believes short term
who gives reservedly
who protects their interests
above death's certainty
and over love's preciousness.

My heart holds out for love,
that doesnt try to mold itself
at a time of pain
at a place of peril
at the edge
into
a more convenient story
a memory
a back door
an excuse
instead of
presence.

I dont know if I can be someone,
who takes the dark story
believes its half-lit truths
piles them onto the bonfire
and warms themselves.

Two, caught in duality,
between love and loss
turning
in the light of shadow
facing
each other.

birthday surprise

you've created life
with your mother's scripts and so,
your heart is mourning.