Life is so funny. OK so that it not an original thought, but it is still true. And I didnt mean funny HaHa, but funny weird. (God, how that phrase guts me, sadness in my chest, lump at my throat... by it's invocation of my mom.. I hear her voice so clearly saying that....)
I miss using the word mom. The english language is very lonely without it.
Anyway, I was thinking about how truth, rightness..the opposite of martian wrongness, maybe Tao is the best word- can seep so quietly into our lives. How conscious in its absence it can be, and how permanently present in the smallest quantities, it can be also.
How did I live, before meeting like-minded people, who gently enlarge my world? I remember now: badly! Trying almost, not to breathe, so as not to feel alive.
I like this, i think i might be falling in love with life, actually. Now comes the learning of the lesson not to hold on... I find I am afraid of death: not for myself, but the stark, suffocating terror of leaving my son motherless, is almost unbearable. Almost, but not as unbearable as those who take their children with them, found it to be..... so sad... how many "slings and arrows" our flesh is heir to. Flying at us, from all directions.
Clever old shakespeare, and all the other writers, currently brainwashing me, redeeming me from my premature dementia, my genetic retardation.
It's good to find the space inside to suspend the maelstrom of the mind. It's easier thatn I thought. It requires much patience. Self love.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears. This is a beautiful truth, and I am much blessed by it.
2 comments:
"When the student is ready, the teacher appears"
That is so true, it's been happening more and more lately, just when I believe I'm ready to tackle something new, a "teacher" comes along from nowhere and throws me in the deep side to quickly learn what I came to learn.
All the best for Gregorian 2009
its a great feeling..sometimes we dont even know that we are waiting for a teacher, we just think hat life is shit.
i am so glad that my path is now unfolding, not taht it wasnt before, it just didnt have a name....
now it does: its name is mine!
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